True Blood S05E10: Gone, Gone, Gone

This week’s True Blood is subtitled ‘How to Say Goodbye to a Series Regular Without Killing Him/Her Off and Remaining True to the Relationships and Internal Logic of your Stupid Vampire Soap Opera’. This is the one where Hoyt makes everyone cry, including you.

So there’s not a whole lot wrong with this episode. I don’t much care for the whole tacked-on Warlow/faerie plotline but it gave us some great Jason moments so I forgive it instantly. Can’t help feeling it’s going to come back and bite me though. Good stuff this week: HOYT, Lafayette’s thirty seconds, JASON, Newlin/Russell, JESSICA, Sam the Mouse Detective, this creature:


The bad is pretty much the whole faerie involvement in this season, although it does look like Russell’s gunna shake that shit up in a hurry, the fact that Salome and Hideous Hideous Terrible Gorram Nora continue to draw unbreath, and I guess the fact that Alcide just spent this week uneventfully chugging beers with his old man, having terse conversations about dog things.

So first things absolutely first, after the whole heaving shit parade that has been Hoyt’s character arc since its angry relationship zenith last year, I am genuinely impressed with how the show dealt with his departure. It showed Hoyt at his most mature and self-sufficient in his conversation with his mother, and back to his practical and, in a weird way, generous best with Jess and Jason. The two goodbye scenes itself were executed so damned well, first in the bar and second at the roadside, and my estimation of the show at large jumped a couple clicks in one fell swoop. I was close tears in a scene involving vampire brain magic. I can’t emphasise that enough.

brain magic

Jason had a pretty standout show, stealing every scene then getting this little slice of catharsis that makes us all forgive him and get on board the Jassica express to Makeoutville. His detective work with Sookie leads them to find yet another clue under their gran’s bed because it is a plot bed full of maguffins. The fact that it leads them to a Faerie Contract (which is Faerie Legally Binding) that promises Sookie to a Vampire is not only ridonkulous but totally beside the point. True Blood lets us enjoy the journey, which is a refreshing change of pace after the overnight stop at the Vampire Authority Exposition Exhibition. Speaking of…

Tina Majorino is dead, iStaked by her own petard, presumably because they had no good reason to keep her around. That’s about five chumpkills this season already, and none of them have really amped up the tension much. Even Meloni’s untimely demise came out of nowhere  and delivered zero emotional payload. Anyway, the big point of Vampireline this week is that Lilith kills Godric in a battle of the Vampire Ghosts, and I guess there are some rules for being double dead because Eric and HTTG Nora seem kind of upset about it (see top of page). Bill watches for whatever reason beyond he is a colossal poopstain now. I’ve gotta assume Bill’s got some crazy-ass turnaround coming up, because if he really does turn out to be this year’s Big Bad I will be sorely disappointed. His whole involvement has just been fuzzy and confusing rather than pleasingly ambiguous.

Elsewhere, the whole burn down the Tru Blood factories thing is still a great bloody idea, and Newlin is covering everyone’s butts like the adorable fundie he is. Sam and Luna are hot on his trail and sneak into the Authority Super Friends Club, meaning that most of the cast are now hanging under the same gaudy roof, and one of the best moments of the show is Steve’s reaction to finding out his puppy/Luna’s daughter has turned into a smelly human:

Later, he and Russell go on a candlelit hate date to a frat house where they murder everyone and slowdance around the corpses to Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”, which is appropriate because she is literal hellspawn. Anyway, that should be pretty tricky to cover up, but I suspect we’ll never hear of it again. Toward the end of the show Russell interrupts the Vampire Board Meeting to slap Salome across the room, jump on a table and talk about synthesising faerie blood in a thick German accent because that is how accents work but whatever because Season 3 Russell is back and being a badass. In short, this plotline is finally getting somewhere and I can’t wait for it all to make sense and all the Vampire CEO’s to bite it except the pretty redhead lady who can stay because of her fierce pantsuits.

Finally, Pam and Tara are dealing with Elijah the obvious soondead because he is a ridiculous weakling in a position of power in this show??? He has ordered thirty new vampires by the end of the year and looks a lot like Nic Cage’s son. Instead of dealing with this like grown up vampires, Tara and Ginger devise a clever ruse and cut his head off with a machete because of reasons. I guess Pam and Tara are being super maverick renegades now even though I don’t really understand how Pam’s hair is doing what it’s doing, but it’s nice to see Ginger back and screaming up a storm like the good old days. You’ve got me, plotline! I am interested to see what you do next.

So things are finally reaching a head! Kinda makes me think this show oughta be running on ten-episode seasons if they can’t quite stretch the material far enough to avoid extraneous babbling and one shot characters (point of interest: three vampire deaths this episode alone. Remember when it was a big deal and there was blood puking and stuff?). Anyway, we’re definitely at the pointy end and I’m kinda glad I stuck with it, much against my better instincts. Take it away, Jase…



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