So where were we?
At the end of the last series, Ted drove off with everyone’s favourite season one love interest Victoria, after she decided to abandon her wedding to Klaus; Barney got engaged to former stripper Quinn; Marshall and Lily have their baby Marvin home; and the writers still can’t work out what to do with Robin. Oh yeah and in the “a little ways down the road” timeline it was revealed that Robin and Barney were getting married. No one saw that coming, unless they had been watching the show for seven years.
So we begin in the future with Ted sitting at Farhampton station wearing a Tux and looking bereft, reading a book. He’s come from Barney and Robin’s wedding and an old woman sits down and asks him to tell his story. Turns out Ted quite likes sharing so we go back 10 hours earlier to find Robin freaking out about her forthcoming nuptials and wanting to climb out the window. Luckily this is a window that Ted’s already more than familiar with, so we get to go back to May 2012 to hear what happened with that window and another wedding. Thank god for that, I was worried we might actually find out something useful.
So back in 2011, everyone is happy looking over baby Marvin, except Ted, we’ll get back to Ted later. Everyone is happy except Robin who is just kinda there. Marshall and Lily are slightly zombified though due to lack of sleep. They’re all going to celebrate Barney’s engagement with champagne and out of the blue Quinn asks Robin and Lily to be bridesmaids because her only other female friends are strippers. Does that ever happen?
“Hey, I just met you, this is crazy, be my bridesmaids, or flower girls maybe?”
So this makes it weird for Robin, because she used to date the groom to be. Shouldn’t that make it weird for Quinn too?Oh of course not because Barney hasn’t told her that he used to date Robin. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from TV, it’s that lies and relationships are fine and no one ever gets hurt that way. Actually, why do I care any more? I know that Robin and Barney end up engaged so get me there faster.
Meanwhile Ted is driving into the sunset with Victoria, and being the emotional saboteur that he is, he’s getting all worried that Victoria hasn’t written a letter to her not husband to explain why. You see Ted was left at the alter in season four and that kinda dragged and the only thing that kept him going was the note because at least he had an explanation. So they turn around to take Victoria back to her wedding venue.
So Victoria writes a pretty weak note. What kind of heartless bitch is she? She’s been with Klaus for six years, you’d think she’d be showing some kind of emotion. With Ted’s persuasion, she finally writes something with feeling but Ted has to deliver it and climb in through the window because she just can’t face doing it again. Plus she has a wedding dress on. Hey, it’s the window from Barney and Robin’s wedding. What are the chances?
So being the loving caring guy that he is, Barney wants Robin to keep up the lie and he’s even erased all evidence of their relationship, including deleting Robin from photos and replacing her with a Tiger. He’s a keeper Robin, don’t let him go marry that other girl. He hopes Robin will keep up the lie and asks the sleep deprived Marshall and Lily to keep it secret too. Can anyone see where this is going?
Back at the wedding Ted can’t climb up the pipe because of his fear, so Victoria gives him the key to her room and tells him to go that way. That might have made more sense in the first place really. But oh no, Ted is confronted by a cliched scary German bridesmaid who warns him that Victoria is taking a nap and is not to be disturbed, not even his explanation that he’s a handyman can help him and so Ted goes back to the car. But there’s one thing that no bridesmaid can resist and that’s Barney. So Ted gets him to phone seduce her. He leaves the note but also the car keys, because he’s an idiot and needs to string out the plot.
In a lampshade hanging moment Marshall and Lily realise that they shouldn’t be discussing Robin and Barney’s relationship in front of the baby as Quinn might hear on the baby monitor but then it turns out Quinn is in the room and in their sleep deprived state they don’t notice. She gives Barney one minute to tell the convince her to stay and he summarises the plot of the last seven years. She walks.
Meanwhile back at the window, Klaus is climbing down the drainpipe and Ted catches him in the act. I’m thinking him and Victoria really had a lot of problems. He explains he can’t marry her and that he’s left a note so Ted sets out to make it look as if Victoria is the wronged party, taking her note away and leaving Klaus’s in her room stained with fake tears. All should be well with Ted and Victoria now.
Quinn confronts Robin and she declares she has a boyfriend. Wait! What? Haven’t we been here the whole time? How did we miss that? No one believes her. He’s called Nick. He’s secret crush guy? Remember him from season 6? Or from Battlestar Galactica? But he’s hot so Quinn forgives everyone. However seeing as all things are unresolved Robin is bummed Barney got rid of all their things. Then he directs her to a lock up where he’s kept everything. I’m not sure which is more creepy.
So that’s all resolved. But wait Ted has to find out why Klaus left so goes to the station for a heart to heart. Turns out Victoria is amazing but she’s not is destiny. He loves her but he’s not quite right and if it was right you would just know. And Ted suddenly realises Victoria might not be his soul mate either because she doesn’t consume his soul like that. Can’t y’all just settle?
Back to the future and the end of this story. There’s thunder and lightening at Farhampton, a woman gets out a cab, takes out her guitar and walks in her leopard print heels to the station. She’s holding up a yellow umbrella. Dun Dun Dun!
Michael Trucco is back as Robin’s recurring crush as last seen at the end of season 6. I figure he was originally supposed to play to Kevin part of Robin’s season 7 love interest but was too busy in Fairly Legal. It’s nice that he’s back. I hate dangling threads.
While Carter Bays and Craig Thomas seem to be lobbying for an additional season the cast all seem fairly certain this is the last. That seems about right, but right now it seems like we are far far away from Farhampton.
We knew Ted meets the mother at a wedding so we figured it must be someone we already know. The guitar is part of the mother lore so perhaps she’s in the band.
Yellow Umbrella: Finish your drinks!
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