10 things we learned from season 2 of The Next Generation

With our podcast First Contact now having reached the end of season 2. it’s a great time to look back at some of the important lessons that we have learned. Strap yourself in for some earth shattering revelations from the TNG universe.

10. There’s a puppy room on board the Enterprise

Never any full grown dogs though are there? Well with fossil fuels having long run out, man was forced to turn to the next natural solution of burning dogs. A cruel measure you may think, but when a dog reaches 4.3 years old, or 30 in dog years, the Federation’s Logan imperative kicks in and the dog will be humanly turned into fuel for the warp engines by throwing it head first into a furnace. It’s the kindest way.

9. Space Jesus is a dull name

A boy. Born of an immaculate conception. Conceived by some force among the stars that wishes to come amongst us to learn about the human race, and take this knowledge back to it’s own culture, made of beings that the human brain cannot comprehend. And this miracle star child shall be called… Ian.

8. Ensign Sonya Gomez loves hot chocolate

She bloody loves it. Can’t get enough. And when there isn’t any to be had? Well then she’ll take desperate measure and heat some Horlicks. What’s her favorite 70s musical act? That’s right! Brotherhood of Man! But she’s quite partial to Hot Chocolate too. She’s certainly not a Nesquick girl though, as she prefers her hot drinks like her men; scalding hot and spilled over the chest.

7. There’s a Klingon tea drinking ceremony

This is followed by the traditional Klingon flower pressing ceremony and morris dance.

6. Picard can ride a horse

It’s a really important revelation this one. Who knew that the Yorkshire toned Frenchman had such equine expertises to widen the horse based remit of the show? Or at least we’re guessing that was the reason. I mean, they wouldn’t waste the one location shoot in the series on a pointless scene that has no bearing on the plot of the episode, surely? Especially when not a lot else happens in that episode. No, they even choose to subtly play down it’s significance by having Piccard not even ride the horse, so as to not show up the quality of the rest of the episode and make you too aware of it’s importance. A masterclass in writing.

5. Riker’s dad banged Pulaski

Banged like Mr Homn bangs that gong. Over and over and over again. At the dinner table. With everyone watching. The dirty git.

4. Maurice Hurley is a MAJOR Irishman

As you can see from the picture above, from his thick Kilkenny accent to his blaze of thick red hair, Maurice Hurley is the epitome of Irishness according to Melinda M. Snodgrass. Walking around with a pig under his arm and wishing the crew a ‘top o’ the mornin to ya’ each day, Maurice would go on to impart his highly extensive Irish roots on the episode Up the Long Ladder. That’s why the episode is such an accurate representation of the Irish and in no way ill informed and bordering on xenophobiclly offensive.

3. Geordi is blind

Nah, only fooling! You’ve gotta put a joke one in to these types of articles though don’t you.

2. “You’re a droid and I’m a ‘noid” is a funny joke.

HA! Oh god, this had us laughing so hard we basically soiled ourselves. How do they keep coming up with such original and cutting edge humour. No wonder Guinan was so annoyed when Data didn’t get that particular zinger. Thats *annoyed*, not a-droid. D’ya get it? Because she isn’t a droid, but she is both irritated and human. Except really she’s neither. HILARIOUS. She has subverted our expectations, and from thence, humor arose. Someone needs to give those writers more money. Keep writing those hits kids!

1. White Lightning is £2.99 for two litres at the off licence.

This discovery may or may not be linked to having to watch Shades of Grey.

And that’s about it. Yep, nothing else that important happened, we’re fairly sure. We’ll be releasing our last podcast for season two very soon with another edition of You Must Remember This, and you can listen back to all of this season and the last one in our podcast section or on iTunes,